So today I am officially starting my diet. Although I don't want to call it diet. I want to call it my skinny quest. One of my taglines on this blog is "I have been fat my entire life". It's true people. I can't remember a time when I looked or even felt remotely thin. My self esteem has, thank goodness, never suffered because of this (and honestly, you might want to watch out if - no WHEN - I get skinny because my self esteem will be uncontrollable, I am afraid.)
But looking back over the years of fat rolls, what I am sure would amount to a dump trucks load worth of cakes, brownies, and other assorted sweets, clothing that has never ever ever freaking EVER fit properly, (don't ask me how my self esteem stayed in tact through all of this) I have determined that I am a failure when it comes to discipline and following through on my goals. (See also the complete unabridged works of my college career.) And failure? A word I would like only to use when referring to any member of the Spears family.
Yet failure? My past goals are riddled with it. See the below example from my blog of January 28, 2009...
Ok, so here are my goals:
1. One year from today, January 28, 2010, I will be 75 pounds lighter.
2. By May 28, 2009, I will have lost 25 pounds. That's 1 1/2 pounds per week.
3. By September 28, 2009, I will have lost 50 pounds. That's 1 1/2 pounds per week.
4. By January 28, 2010, I will have lost 75 pounds. That's 1 1/2 pounds per week.
Yeah. That's failure with a capital "I'd have to lose 10 pounds before I even started on last years #1 goal to lose 75 pounds!" It's sad, isn't it? But please don't pity me. No, instead, drill sargeant me when you see me pick up chip drenched in cheese dip. Slap the cocktail glass out of my hand when I tell you "I had a rough day so I deserve this drink". (Rough day? Please! Have you seen my posts about my job? Yeah. If i say this sentence to you, please know that I am straight up lying through my teeth.) And go ahead, be my guest, call me a fat ass when I cut myself a bigger piece of YOUR birthday cake than you got. But don't you dare call me a failure.
This time, folks? Watch me lose as much weight as I can. I dare you.
And give me a high five when I see you at the gym tonight with the rest of the "failures".
I'm on a skinny quest.