October 20, 2009

On the Job

The last time I posted was two months ago. I know each of you have probably been in a very deep depression over the last two months. I apologize. Give me your doctors name and I'll call in a request for some Xanax.

The last two months have been quite eventful. A new job for me, dealing with the repayment of my student loans, facing real REAL life, weddings. I'm not really sure which one to write about.

Just rolled the dice. They landed on the new job. Ok, so here we go.

I would love to tell you my job, my title, my responsibilities but I'm afraid you would die from boredom. So how I tell you allllll about the people and experiences I have had in my new job thus far?

I am blogging right now from the comfort of my off...I mean cubicle. It is all beige, which is good, because the decor never clashes with my outfits. It is pretty roomy though. There is this other whole corner that I never look at. I'm looking at it now. It is so bare and lonely looking. Maybe I can turn it into my craft corner. Or perhaps an herb garden. Another great thing about my cubicle (wait, did I mention a first great thing about my cubicle?)...well, what I was going to say is that all three walls around me are bulletin board (covered in beige fabric, of course). Do you realize the opportunity this affords me? I have deemed it my personal ambition to cover every single square inch of this bulletin board. Oh my gosh. Just had a brilliant idea. What if I wallpapered it!?! The really great thing about cubicles, though, is all the privacy they afford. Like if I had an office, I couldn't talk on the phone without someone hearing my entire conversation; or I couldn't play on the internet without my very tall coworker standing up from his desk and spying on me; or I couldn't...wait. Sorry. I got confused. So yes, cubicle life has taken a little getting used to, but I'm getting there. So please consider my cubicle to be the unofficial item.

The unofficial person I would like to mention is Billy Bob (I have changed his name, not to protect his innocence, but to protect my paycheck). Billy Bob is my 55ish year old coworker (the tall one mentioned above) who has been married three times (all to oriental women), lives at home with his single, 32 year old son, has four, tiny poodles, a girlfriend who is a Sheriff's Deputy, and who, I am convinced, never attended a grammar lesson in his life. He thinks that the current month we are in is "Optober", that a comma, can just, be stuck out, there wherever in a sentence, and that past tense and present tense do not matter. Billy Bob whistles. Nonstop. Sometimes it will be an entire song; other times, it will be just two quick notes and then he is done. And then sometimes, I think he is just making the tune up as he goes. I've started compiling a list of songs he whistles. His favorite song to whistle, by far, is Mambo #5. I've started dancing in my desk chair everytime he starts that one up. A few other songs, just for your enjoyment, are: Anchors Away, Hey There Delila, America the Beautiful, and Deck the Halls.

And finally, the unofficial experience I'd like to tell you about happened during Customer Service Appreciation Week, my third week on the job. Customer Service had several events planned that week for all employees. (Hang on, Billy Bob just stood up to look around.) Amongst them were a hotdog lunch, a drawing for free lunch from the cafeteria (ughh, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit) and an email scavenger hunt where they gave a clue and we had to respond. Well guess what? I won the email scavenger hunt. We had been told that the prizes would be restaurant gift cards, pedicure gift cards, Target gift cards, etc. However, when I went over to HR to retrieve my gift, this is what was in the bag: a Columbus Tech gym bag, a Columbus Civic Center notepad and pen, mini coasters (literally, they are the smallest coasters I've ever seen), a Columbus Civic Center magic 8-ball, and a Metra Columbus Transit System coffee mug circa 1972, which I have put to good use holding all of my paperclips.

I decided right then and there that I would appreciate the hilarity of all of this and not be bummed out.

There are little unofficial experiences I am having here that make cubicle life with Billy Bob bearable and honestly, down-right funny. I'll keep you updated. Right now though, it's time for my lunchbreak, which I am really deserving of, considering how hard I've worked this morning, reading tax code, filing, and blogging.