June 23, 2010

About Me #5 - Hey! Over here! I'm right here! Here I am! Look at me!

About Me #5

I like to be noticed. I like to be the center of attention. I have a need to be constantly recognized, constantly validated. It's one of the more annoying traits I possess. Funny enough, my main prayer request in youth group growing up usually centered around this trait I consider to be a flaw. "Peyton, do you have any prayer requests," my leader would ask. "Just that I'll try to shift the focus off of me and not try to always be the center of attention" I'd reply, while everyone else mentioned their sick cats or elderly grandmas. Imagine that. If that's not narcissistic, I don't know what is. Man, wasn't (aren't) I shallow back then (now)?

That's the reason I started this blog, I think. I wanted (want) to be noticed. I wanted (want) to be the center of attention. I wanted (want) praise. Heck, the very first blog entry I wrote was this one and that was only because I wanted you to think I was cool. I could just hear your thoughts, "Oh man, look at all the cool stuff she's eaten! Wonder where she had a hotdog from a street cart?" And I would happily begin my diatribe about my trip with my roommates to NYC. And I'd be so stinking delighted you asked. And I'd be just as delighted to tell you the story. Because what I have to say is of the utmost importance.

This thing, this need to be noticed is just built into my framework. Obviously, the prayer requests from 10+ years ago were not answered. I don't think I'm necessarily prideful about anything (ok, some things, yes), I just like you knowing about me. I like it when you give me feedback. I think this trait is alive and well in most human beings, it just comes to the surface quicker and easier for some than others.

Ok, I'm starting ramble. I'm not quite sure how to end this post. Up until now, the About Me's have been relatively positive traits of mine, not flaws. I'm not sure how comfortable I am with you knowing my flaws. You won't hold this against me, will you? You'll still let me go on and on and on about myself, right? You'll still listen patiently, without having nary a chance to get a word in, right? You'll still think I'm cool and want to know more about me and be waiting in anticipation for my post, right? You'll still leave nice comments and say 'Great job, PeyPey', right?

Good. Because I like to be noticed. I like to be the center of attention. And I have a need to be constantly recognized, constantly validated. I hope you don't mind that our relationship is pretty one-sided.


April said...

I agree with your comment about humans wanting the same thing...I think we all have a sense of wanting to be known inside of all of us. We all want someone/people to know us, to truly know us...and we set out in life to try to find those people and build our lives around them. Good words...Peyton....do you feel validated?? :)

Merany :) said...

YAY. Good job for you!! :) I like this post. Makes me feel a little better about myself. I mean, that I'm not the only one that likes to be noticed. :) I love to be noticed and to be given attention. I'm the baby of the family and that's what I blame it on. :) I love your blog by the way. Check mine out sometime... ya know and notice me!!! Ok? :)

Donna said...

I've always said I blog just so somebody will know I'm here. Not many somebodies, but at least a few.