I have loved you for quite some time. Years, in fact. Decades if we’re being precise. At times, you have played quite an important role in my life. I have many, many tender memories in which you are included. I remember fondly the first of your holes, which I inserted into my small, five year old mouth. It was warm. And your glaze flaked off, into my small hands. And your small hole filled my small mouth completely - the warm, yeasty flesh gushing out to my chubby childhood cheeks. It was love at first bite. You were made by the funny ladies at Golden Donut in my hometown who were missing teeth and wore funny white nets on their heads. They were nice. They sometimes gave me one of you to snack on while my daddy got the order filled. I knew these ladies took great care in making you perfect for me. They were my Donut Heroines.
Pretty soon, I graduated to your full size. Your holes were a thing of my past, my childhood. Your full size was much more satisfying to me as I grew into adolescence. Sprinkles were involved. When sprinkles fell off your top, I would gently lick my index finger and tap it at the loose sprinkles. None of you was wasted. Then you presented yourself to me with chocolate on top and my affinity for you grew into a full-blown obsession.
Right around the time of the great “Chocolate On Top Awakening”, my brother got a job at a place that made you. He would come home, his clothes fragrant with your doughy perfume and I knew there could be no greater job in the world. I would visit him after school and steal any of you that were leftover or misshapen. I would silently ache with anger when my brother would let his buddies in at closing time to raid the leftover bin. They didn’t deserve you. They didn’t appreciate you like I did.
As I have grown and matured, my obsession with you has not diminished one bit. Over the years, I have discovered you in various forms – cake, blueberry cake, old fashioned, chocolate cake with chocolate glaze, coconut, powdered, strawberry frosted, maple frosted…I have even tried the Chinese version of you. I fell more and more in love with each squishy bite.
But I think the time has come in my life where I need to say a gentle goodbye to you. For too long, have your enticing aromas and sweet, sugary bites crippled my desires of being thin. For too long have I given in to the echelon of pleasure I reach when I bite into your flesh. For too long have the side effects of this pleasure shown on my hips. I have to say goodbye. Please try to understand, donuts. It’s not you, it’s me. I may revisit you one day, but for now, I cannot be tempted by your intoxicating deliciousness.
Please remember me fondly, as that’s how I will remember you.
With all my love,