I got my dad four different flavors of cake for Father's Day: double fudge, chocolate, coconut, and carrot. I'm convinced that inside my father's mouth is just one large tooth. One, large, sweet tooth. All of his teeth have just joined together in his mouth to form this one giant sweet tooth. The man loves sweets.
I also got him a gift card to Books-A-Million. I've also given him one of these for the last two Christmas. He informed me that he still had the two I'd given him for the last two Christmases and I said, "Dad! Why don't you use them? You could get coffee and sweets from the cafe. Or you could buy art books. Or a thousand bookmarks; I mean, the possibilities are endless!" He replied, "Oh no! I have been using them! I use the gift cards all the time!" Me: "Wow, you must be pretty thrifty with them, then. I think it was only like $25 on each of the gift cards. So you've found some good bargains, huh?" Dad: "Oh, I buy books all the time. I buy 'em off of the bargain shelves, bring 'em home, read 'em, then take 'em back when I'm finished reading 'em and they apply the refund straight back to the gift cards."
Attention Books-A-Million: LOOPHOLE alert. You may want to look into this.
So I figure that $15 gift card for Father's Day, combined with the two gift cards from Christmas's past, will allow my father to buy books from Books-A-Million well into the twenty-second century.
ANYway, I know it's going to sound weird, but in honor of Father's Day, I wanted to give you a "Mom-ism". I went over to my parents' house last night to see my dad and to drop off his gifts and somehow, this is how the night ended:
Molly, my little sister, who I'll remind you is actually named "Victoria Marie", yet has been called "Molly" since she came out of the womb because my mom is convinced that "Molly" is a nickname for "Marie", was regaling us with a story of how she went to Starbucks yesterday. You know how they ask you what your name is so they can write it on your cup? Well, of course, Molly, said "Molly", but when she got her White Chocolate Mocha Frap, it said "Pally" on the side. We laughed, then this:
Me: "Well, a lot of times, I'll introduce myself to someone and they'll think I said 'Peggy'. 'Peyton'? 'Peggy'? Doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but it happens all the time."
My mother, God love her: "Well, you know 'Peggy' is a nickname for 'Margaret'."
Me: "Geez mom. What are you, the walking dictionary of nicknames? And I'm just going to have to take your word for it on that one because that makes about as much sense as Molly being a nickname for Marie. What. Ev. Dad, love you, happy Father's Day, enjoy your gifts, I'm outta this crazy house."
(Side Note: Yahoo Answers and Wiki Answers do, in fact, confirm that Peggy is a nickname for Margaret. That doesn't mean that it makes any more sense though. Oh well, mom, I'll give you this one. Mom: 1, Peyton: 4,837.)
So Dad, in honor of Father's Day, bless your soul. Bless your ever-loving heart. Bless you for putting up with my mother for thirty plus years. You're a better man than I am. Oh, and I love you.