January 25, 2010

Tonight, on the Bachelor (please read that with Chris Hanson's voice in mind)

Dear Mr. Dateless (aka Jake of Bachelor fame),

"In ninth grade, they called me Mr. Dateless."  Really? All of your pimple-faced, 14 year old friends, who were struggling, themselves, to catch attention from all the Stacy's and Tiffany's, called YOU Mr. Dateless? And 'Mr. Dateless'? That has got to be the single most WORST nickname I could ever possibly imagine. Mr. Dateless. I just. I. I can't. I have no. I am speechless.

And now for my second point: playing Spin the Bottle with two people. I mean, I can see where a girl might gush if this were suggested. But the cheese factor is through the roof. She's hot. Just kiss her already, Mr. Dateless. I think if these girls were the kind of girls who needed you to play a game with them to get them to kiss you...well, they're not those kinds of girls. They are in a constant state of drunk and are always, ALWAYS, let-me-sit-in-the-position-that-allows-me-to-throw-my-leg-over-you ready to go. If there's ever a better time for you to take advantage of a girl, Mr. Dateless? It's now.


And Mr. Dateless leaves us with this: "Group dates aren't my thing. I prefer one-on-one dates." Yeah. So does the rest of the world. Unless you're a Mormon, I guess. But you've signed up for a dating show. Deal with it.

(Side note: Ella, you're on the beach. No leather bomber jacket needed.)

Sincerely,

Ms. Tactless

4 comments:

Brad said...

i enjoyed reading this pbazz. and you're right, no body in the rest of the world goes on those kind of "group dates". in our world, that means equal parts guys and girls, in reality tv world, that means whore wars.

PeyPey said...

Haha. Whore wars. I like that. I might steal it for future posts.

Colleen said...

"Whore wars, swordfights, and polygamy; dating in modern American, a love story." Collaborative effort?

PeyPey said...

Deal. Get your pen.