June 7, 2010

Childhood Cuisine

For a long time, when I was in a group meeting and we had to tell "one weird fact about ourselves" (dang college), mine was always that I used to eat roly polies as a child.

Are you shocked? I wasn't really either when my parents told me about my three-year-old self scarfing down the little insect balls. My dad said I would stick out my little pudgy, balled up fist, flip my palm right side up, and offer him my collected smorgasbord of roly polies which had defensively rolled themselves up into perfect little balls. They knew not their own fate.

The fact that I ate them is not surprising. I was three. Who knows what else my little fist stuffed down my piehole? No, the surprising part was that, when presented with my gift of what I considered to be good eatin', my dad would politely decline and say, "No thank you pumpkin, I'm full. You eat 'em all." Is it just me or do you find it quite odd that my father still let me ingest them? He didn't knock them out of my hand or say "Peyton, pumpkin, don't eat bugs, ok?" Instead, he just let me keep right on snacking. There is no telling how many roly polies met their fate in the bottom of my tummy.

I think if I'm ever again in one of these stupid meetings where we have tell a group of strangers some weird fact about ourselves, I will save myself the embarrassment and not tell them that I used to eat roly polies as a little girl. Instead, maybe I'll tell them about my triple jointed toe.

Wait, on second thought, I might just stick with the roly polies.

******NEWS BULLETIN******
This just in! So I just googled the scientific name for Roly Polies and guess what it is? It's going to gross you out, I promise. Are you ready? Are you sure? Because it's getting kind of close to dinner time and I wouldn't want to spoil your dinner or anything. And I don't want to put a bad taste in your mouth for roly polies (wait, what did I just say?) because this will forever alter the way you think of these cute little bugs. Are you sure? Like, absolutely sure? Ok, if you're sure. Here goes. The scientific name for roly polies, the cute, harmless little balls, is ARMADILLIDIUM VULGARE. See? I told you. I shouldn't have done it. Now you're thinking of vulgar armadillos aren't you? Ok, well goodnight ladies and gentlemen. Enjoy your dinners and may you have sweet dreams tonight. Dreams free of vulgar armadillos. Until next time!

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